Where's Kakashi?
by Mistlan
Summary: An especially insane story just in time for Memorial Day. Clarity, Murray and the rest of the ninja quartet have gotten tired of waiting on Kakashi so instead of Kakashi poofing over to them, a gaggle of go-getters cause chaos while going to pick him up.


**Disclaimer: **Naruto is copyright to Masashi Kishimoto. Clarity Cratchet and Murray Monody belong to me.

**Summary: **An especially insane story just in time for Memorial Day. Clarity, Murray and the rest of the ninja quartet have gotten tired of waiting on Kakashi so instead of Kakashi poofing over to them, a gaggle of go-getters cause chaos while going to pick up Kakashi.

**Warning: **Cheesy moments doused with a side of nachos and crazy humor. Just a bunch of friends; no pairings. (Unless you want it there, but still it's just a fic I made in honor of Memorial day and thinking about the reason why Kakashi's always late. It didn't mean I couldn't explore why nobody goes to pick up Kakashi though. *snicker*)

* * *

**Where's Kakashi?**

Mmmmm, today felt great! It was barely sunrise, a constant breeze cooled down the back of my neck. I had my art bag, coffee thermos, DSLR Camera dangling at my neck and I was wired to go! Something about this day felt so special that I was getting cabin fever from sitting in the shop yesterday and the night before. I knew it wasn't going to hurt my business too much if I closed up shop and went to chase Hummingbird Moths at say 5 maybe 6 o'clock in the morning. Murray, my best friend from the U.S. where I'm from, just switched the open sign to closed when footsteps could be heard bounding down from the upstairs paint room in our quaint two story building.

Sasuke Uchiha is another soul I live with. He rubbed the sleep from his glaring onyx eyes under that head of spiky blue-black hair. The high collar cobalt blue T-shirt he wore with his clan crest in the back was the same shirt he had on yesterday despite the fact the sixteen year old boy never noticed the bright pink spot of paint on the back pocket of his black pants. A stifled giggle sent Sasuke turning on a bare foot heel where he did not notice that he stepped in rose pink paint and was trailing footprints to the door.

"Oy hiiii Sasuke!" Murray shrilly beamed, his teal eyes crinkled shut his wind combed amber hair messier than usual., "Don't you want to wash your foot?"

Sasuke gave him the best withering look money could buy grumbling, "Darn stinking pink stuff of . . ." His grumblings got worse as he slammed the bathroom door. Fifteen minutes later he walked out, with his ninja gear and short sword strapped to his belt. He still never noticed the pink paint on his paints. He never noticed me hold open the door for the others that were grabbing their shoes or the fact I had on a red and white Godzilla T-shirt to set off my raw sienna eyes, sandals, and capris blacker than the waist length black braid at my back. I stuck in a couple of umbrellas in my art bag. Hey, according to the clouds, there was a chance for rain.

"Hey Sasuke, this is your first day off of probation," I cheered giving his shoulder a little shake, "You wouldn't shut up for hours about how much you were glad to finally stop going on D-Rank missions with Sai."

"Hn," Sasuke scoffed and that was that. Sai, being the social butterfly he is, which between you and me is actually more like hawks hitting brick walls, decided to get to know absolutely _everybody_ on team Kakashi. Sasuke was the one put under my care. I lived under the Uchiha roof and guess who went to see me twenty four seven? Sai absolutely loved the fact I took on a second apprentice of sorts, of course Sai being my first. It didn't show on his ivory face. It showed in the way Sai kept harassing Sasuke on what the word "hn" meant or asking about Sasuke's short time as an experiment of Orochimaru's.

Sai would ask, "What if he stuck your head on a firebug's body?"

"Hn," Sasuke would say and start walking. Sai followed.

"Why do you say 'hn' all the time, do you have amnesia?" Sai asked, with a 'mirth mask' little grin. Honestly he doesn't mean to sound creepy. This is actually his way of sounding friendly.

"hn," Sasuke would huff and run, Sai still followed like a lost dog.

"What if he made you asexual, hormonal, and pregnant?" Sai asked, causing Sasuke to stop and stare, eyes widening to the size of saucers.

WHAMMO

Sasuke punched Sai full in the face launching him through several trees and a flower shop. He huffed off to my store to meditate and about fell asleep sitting up thanks to that late night training regime he went through. Which brings us back to why we're all walking to the bridge today.

"YOU'RE LATE," came two characteristic cries, Naruto and Sakura were ready to yell at a certain Jonin named Kakashi Hatake. A humble man that said to be famous for knowing a thousand jutsus, reads the erotica Icha Icha Paradise like a fish needing water, and is rumored to be the biggest procastinator in the entire village. He's always been late. Whenever he usually poofs in out of nowhere, I like to catch him off guard by asking what time it is. So I also know he never keeps track of time. I couldn't really catch a glimpse of him around today. I mean how hard is it to spot a thirty year old man with silver hair, hitai-ate over his eye, and his nose in a book? He wears the regular uniform of a flack jacket, navy blue shirt, pants, and kunai pouch. It's not hard to find him.

Naruto, the blonde, did a double take. His bright orange clothes brightened by the morning sun. Cerulean eyes that sparkled with mirth. The kids always been full of life and energy from the day I met him. He relaxed his posture and greeted me with a vulpine grin from ear to ear. I ruffled his hair in return. Sasuke bristled jealously, earning him a playful whack from my free hand. Yes, those two still have a rivalry thing going on. How did I find out? I locked them in a room together and they tore the place to pieces.

"So," I stated looking over at Sakura a pink haired red wearing titan, who looked ready to bash the boys' heads together before a brawl started, "Have any of you guys seen Kakashi?"

A chorus of groans became my answer.

"Grrrrr Kaka-sensei's never on time!" Naruto shouted, "It's boring waiting on him! He always has this lame excuse when he arrives! It's just so lame!"

"I know it's boring," Sakura soothed though her inner self was probably yelling too, "but he's our taichou. We can't just disrespect him."

"hmmm, maybe we could . . ." Sai asked looking up from his sketch, ". . . just . . . leave him behind for a bit? He has no sense of time. I doubt he'll notice. . . Wait Claire-sensei where are you going?"

"I'm just going for a walk," I stated, "It's a nice day and I want to go take some good pictures before noon."

"Oh, Oh, and wait Clarity let's pick up Kakashi," Murray begged, "C'mon you guys let's do things the other way around. How about we go to him for a change."

"Banzai!" Naruto cheered racing ahead, "Let's go! Let's go!"

"Hey not if I find him first loser!" Sasuke growled, both of them dragging me off my feet.

"Gyeee!" I screamed.

"Naruto, Sasuke slow down," Sakura yelled.

Murray and Sai exchanged looks, shrugged and padded on after us. Our first stop turned out to be the Yamanaka flower shop where the blondie chatting behind the front desk, Ino chatted it up with a dozy looking Shikamaru. He paid for his goods and left mumbling about something troubling as he walked through a big hole where the shop front used to be.

"Sai," Ino quipped, causing said person to halt, he turned slowly for about ten seconds before disappearing in a swirl of ink, "Get back here, you. You still owe me big time for the front door, mister!"

"Who's mister?" Sai asked, popping up in front of the cash register, "Because if I'm not mistaken you don't pack much except for the pounds Ms. Piggy."

Everyone sweat dropped, thinking, _"Ah no, here we go again."_

"Why you . . . You . . . ANIMAL!" Ino roared and in self proclaimed fury nabbed Sai's ear and dragged him to the back of the store, "I take great pride in my appearance you moron." WHACK. "I watch my diet." WHAM "I go to the salon every six weeks," WHACK-WHACK "and if you think keeping up this figure is easy, mister than you've got another," WHACK, "thing," WHACK-WHACK, "coming!" WHAMMO.

The rest of us outside stood in awe related horror at the tremendous power of the Yamanaka hissy fit. Sasuke inwardly cringed not knowing whether to stop his own snickers or sympathize. Naruto openly laughed his head off till his eyes leaked. Sakura, bowed her half in embarrassment and half in mirth that Sai finally zinged Ino. Murray winced at every smack that went on behind closed doors. I know Kakashi would've split his sides seeing this and I myself knew he wasn't here. Good grief if he was I'd have heard him from the get-go.

"Gee," Murray murmured, "I think you ought to go in there Clarity before Ino breaks Sai."

"You're right Murray," I declared and ended up having to buy at least several dozen flowers in every color of the rainbow. Sai could barely see past peonies in his face since Ino made him carry every single bouquet and bushel.

"Whelp Kakashi wasn't in the flower shop," Murray announced, "So where to next?"

Everyone could just see the little black gears whirl in Sai's ink black eyes as he declared, "I know where to ask next and Sasuke's the perfect man for the job."

Sai led us to a toy store. Sasuke's eye twitched much to Naruto's mirth. Murray caught on quicker than everyone else did. I exchanged looks with Sakura. Why did Sai want Sasuke to go into a toy store?

"Oh Sasuke," Sai uncharacteristically crooned, "Can you stand over here please?"

Sasuke huffed and moved stating, "All right now what?"

KICK

WSHHH

CRASH

Sai just roundhouse kicked Sasuke through the swinging doors causing every fan girl within a ten teddy bear radius to squeal with joy.

"Yay! Sasuke-kun! Hooray! Hooray!"

"Hey store man I wanna buy him!"

"No me!"

"Me!"

The sounds of battle echoed through the store. Naruto was rolling on the floor clutching his sides. Sakura looked ready to kill something. I was busy trying to hold back Sakura which isn't easy. She has 10,000 horse power hot temper her hood and the strength of ten thousand horsemen. She was pushing me forward with every stomp that shook the ground. Luckily Murray came to the rescue.

He raced into the toy store and declared, "Hey everyone, did you know Sasuke loves toys? Who here wants to buy Sasuke a toy?" Fangirls were scrambling to the cash register. Thus Sasuke was found grumbling out the door with a bunch of disgustingly cute plushies that he didn't want to begin with.

"Sai what've you been reading?" I asked, as we went to our next destination. He gestured to me to reach for the book in his bag titled "Karma: What Goes Around Comes Around".

"Okay this time Sai I think it ought to be Sakura's turn to choose since really, you do know that Karma will always come around to bite you in the but." I announced, Sai blanched much to Sasuke's delight. I patted Sai on the back in reassurance, "Don't worry Sai it won't bite that hard."

Sasuke and Murray already proven that Kakashi was not in the toy store, he wasn't in the flower shop, and since Naruto's stomach was growling enough for people to wonder what was wrong with the local sewer system, Sakura decided we ought to stop for lunch. Sasuke and I already knew of a cheap good quality outdoor café nearby that cooked pretty good food. We already found the usual table. Sasuke and Sai put the flowers and toys in a nearby corner. We waited for a waiter when none other than Rock Lee had to show up.

"Oh Clarity, Clarity, Clarity," Rock Lee chanted as he swung me up in a huge bear hug.

KR-KRICK

KRICK

KRICK

KRAK

Twelve cracked Thoracic Vertebrae and a crushed Larynx later. The waiter already brought in our orders. The waiter tried to ignore Rock Lee banging his forehead on the sidewalk doing five hundred apology push ups between every apology escaping from his mouth. Sakura was having a hard time concentrating on her chakra as her sides split in a giggle fit. Murray and Naruto were busy playing swordfight with their chopsticks making noises with their mouths. Meanwhile I was eating while trying not to scream in pain.

"Lee, Lee I . . . forgive you," I choked before Lee gave himself a concussion, "and you owe me thirty nine ninety five for the repairs."

"Oh okay," Lee beamed springing up, fiddling the cash out of his belt, if you're wondering why Lee crushed my spine, it's because Lee ordered a life-size painting of Maito Gai for his bedroom. It wasn't dry yet and Lee decided to give it a great big snuggly hug. This is the 4,627th time I've had to repair the poor piece this past week.

"Oh and as a token of Team Gai's gratitude we found one of your paintings in the trash and framed it for you." Lee commended seriously with a determined glint in his eye. Oh dear heavens he didn't did he? Well knowing the green beast goon squad they did. He gave me a parcel yet as I went to open it, the color from my face drained to the pit of my stomach. I threw this nasty thing away three days ago! Yet here was the framed testimony that Team Gai had probably swam through the hazardous garbage to pull out something that was the bane of my night mares.

"Uh . . . Ehehe . . . Uh . . . Arigato Lee," I stammered, "You've just put the Y-O-U back . . . into the word . . . Youthful."

"HA HAAAAH!" Lee cheered zooming away, "Did you just hear Gai-senseeeeeei? I PUT THE Y-O-U BACK INTO YOUTHFUL."

"Yay Youth," Murray cheered with no clue to what was going on.

"That was just . . ." I fumbled for the right word.

"Youthful?" Sai asked.

"Dattebayo?" Naruto pondered.

"Stupid?" Sasuke snorted.

"That's just weird," Sakura mused.

"Yes," I agreed, "Yes it is."

We wrapped things up at the café and made our way past a gift store. Something caught the gleam in Naruto's eye. He double backed to where a cute little orange toad clock smiled at him through the window. Oh no, I've seen that look too many times before. It's the same look children get when they want the plushies and stickers.

"Oh no," I told Naruto, "Not today, I already spotted you for twenty bowls of ramen yesterday and I'm not buying you gifts today."

"Well today's my birthday," Naruto lied.

"Your birthday is six months away!" I snapped.

"It's my half birthday?"

"No."

"Three quarter's birthday."

"Nuh-uh!"

"Day to give charity to a complete stranger?" he pouted.

"Naruto, I know you enough that I'm not getting you that blasted expensive clock!" I snapped.

"Oh please, please, please, please," Naruto begged throwing himself at my feet.

"Alright, alright I'll buy you the clock but you'll have to do something for me in return promise?" I snapped, "Now get. Off. My. Foot."

"I promise to get off your foot." Naruto teased.

"Don't push it." I growled. We went into the shop and came out of the shop with a toad clock and several armfuls of overpriced knock off merchandise.

"What happened?" Sakura asked, even Sasuke and Sai looked surprised to see Naruto look crestfallen.

"He wouldn't sell me the clock," I stated, "He simply called Naruto demon spawn and told us to shove off."

"Rrrrrrrr, that little," Sasuke snarled his eyes flashed blood red with the sharigan.

"Hold it Sasuke hold it," I quipped pushing Sasuke back with my shoulder before Hades broke loose, "Remember what I keep trying to teach you, that a show of force doesn't solve anything!"

"So what, you buy stuff so he keeps his mouth shut? That doesn't work either." Sasuke snarled, noting the goods in our arms.

"She didn't buy it." Naruto whispered, "That jerk threw it at Clarity for standing up for me. Yeah she bought the clock but that's about it. I mean look at this stuff, it's a bunch of the same garbage people kept throwing at me since I was six. I mean C'mon let's go."

We turned to leave. Naruto handed Sakura his armful of stuff and just when the froggy clock struck twelve . . .

BOOM!

The glass shattered out of the store windows spraying the streets in a spray of bright pink paint. The store owner came to shout us. Only the noise of the blast had alerted just about every Ninja in a five block radius. The store owner stood there gaping while unwittingly caught with the evidence right there in his hand, an entire used up paper bomb. Sasuke's brows rose at sighting the commotion but a couple teddy bears hid a knowing smile.

"What the!" Sakura gasped.

"I didn't do anything I swear!" Naruto panicked.

"Calm down and walk this way okay?" I stated as we passed by the cemetery, it was getting late and starting to drizzle.

"You used a paint filled paper bomb didn't you?" Sasuke asked. Everyone turned toward me like I lost my marbles. I mean it's no secret Sasuke's favorite hobbies lately have been nothing but training, scarfing the occasional tomato, and going for walks. He trains 24/7 sometimes even when he's supposed to watch his health. One of his favorite practices lately was discovering Sai's recipe for paint-filled paper bombs.

"Well yes and no," I stated, "I still had a few bombs left from when Sai blew up my kiln this morning so I decided why not and let the store owner blow his own store up for a change."

"Karma will go around to bite you in the rear end." Sai stated.

"Yeah I know," I agreed, "but like I said before it doesn't bite that hard in the end."

Of course, in the end, we found Kakashi in the last place no one looked. Near Training Ground 7 across the cemetery stood Kakashi standing at the memorial stone. Kakashi has only taken me to it once yet I remember the story about it's creation quite well. It was a piece of big, big black granite found during the third great ninja war. Not a single artisan wanted to touch the thing. They said it brought too many bad memories. Yet the Yondaime himself found an old refugee out of Iwagakure. He was nothing special, he'd been making tombstones for the past seventy five years. All he did was smooth the stone into it's natural original shape and carve out every name he could think of including a twelve year old Uchiha boy who saved a young Hatake's life. I shook the cob web's from my head and looked down at the painting in my arms.

"Hey Kakashi!"

"Kaka-sensei,"

"You're so late Kaka-senpai!"

Kakashi shook his head and looked up in alarm as a quartet of ninja bounded into him with armfuls of flowers, plushies, and whatever was at the gift shop before it blew up.

"Kakashi do you know what time it is?" I asked, in mild amusement.

"It's," Kakashi calmly looked around before coming to an astonishing discovery, "I lost track of time again didn't I?"

"Well duh," I joked, "You were late yet again so instead of you picking your team up we decided to pick you up instead." A thought just hit about today as the clouds split open to pour down the rain.

"We missed the whole day didn't we," Sai intoned.

"If you call blowing up a shop, getting beat up by a girl, and watch Lee beat himself up over breaking Clarity's spine anything than yes we did waste a day," Sasuke flatlined, "Ow."

SMACK

"We didn't waste the entire day you baka!" Sakura snapped, yeah she's been an equal opportunity smacker lately on both her crush and her loved ones, "We just missed it instead."

Something was special about today. It was on the tip of my tongue. I just wanted to say it so badly. I was tapping my foot for answers. Kakashi noticed me fidgetting and wondering why I hadn't smacked him yet.

"Ano Clarity-san is something bugging you today?" Kakashi inquired.

"Yeah all these flowers, the painting, the plushies, the gift stuff, and the memorial stone," I answered, "They all remind me of this one quote, Remember our Fall, Remember our Autumn, Remember . . . Remember . . ."

"Oh I know what you're trying to say," Murray voiced, "You're saying Remember our Fallen right Clarity?"

"Ah HA! That's right!" I cheered, "Remember our Fallen, today's memorial day!"

Once again everyone else looked at me like I had a few screws loose. I didn't care.

"Okay look, during this war called the civil war, there was this tradition started that was later made a national holiday in America called Memorial Day." I explained before I noticed few fresh faces, particularly Sasuke, Kakashi, Naruto, and Sai, were about to doze off, Kakashi had his book out again, "Will you LISTEN UP!" The guys jumped three feet skyward, "Good . . . now as I was saying Memorial Day is the day we honor those who died you know in reverance and respect."

"Kind of like the obon festival?" Naruto asked.

"Exactly," I answered, "Except instead of using just lanterns and what's usually used to honor the dead around here in this country. We'd just . . . You know what we already have everything right here, even pictures. Um Kakashi, do you think people would mind if we set things around the memorial stone? I mean, it is sacred ground and I don't want to disturb anything."

"I think there are a few people I know that'd be honored to have whatever offering you wanted to make today." Kakashi replied quietly, quieter than usual actually; distant even, no one else noticed. It was the most interesting Konoha Style Memorial Day ever had. We strung toys and flowers around the base of the memorial stone. We interwoven some of the nick knacks from the gift shop here and there. Naruto and Sai wondered where we should put the painting but that would've been overkill. I agreed with Murray about setting the painting aside. Finally came that one part that I never looked at before on memorial day.

Ever been one of those outsiders when you see someone saying there prayers in front of a grave site? It's rather awkward. Quite a long silence of just people closing their eyes (or in Kakashi's case; an eye) and having that look of peace on their face that makes one wonder what that dude is thinking. However, being apart of that group of well wishers is such a different experience. I don't know if someone would be praying to Kami, to God or maybe just saying something in his or her head. The one thing that made the difference was a hushed sense of peace. A bond that death cannot destroy that says "Remember our Fallen and Wish our Predecessors Well."

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**And so that ends another parody of Masterpiece Theatre. Okay, jokes aside, how is the story? What's your favorite part? What do you wish really happened? What do you like? What do you not like? Please, send a review! I might just draw a picture from this story if anyone's got a favorite part that they just would love to see get chibified or something. :D**


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